love your enemies

Seems like these days everywhere I go there's somebody I don't like. Seriously.

This morning it was yoga. With the teacher I don't like. I know why I don't like her, but I'm trying not to "slander" or gossip, so I'll refrain from giving details. The simple version is, I'd rather not take her class. And there I was this morning, hardly excited to be arriving to do yoga in the first place, greeted by her, then listening to her voice in class. For 90 minutes.

As I meditated on the ceiling panel tiles in each savasana, my point of focus was on the cross where the panels intersect. Instructors teach us to empty our minds, but mine never empties, no matter how hard I try. And these days I question if I believe in that style of meditation anyways. Scripture says, meditate on the Word. So now I meditate on the Cross formed by the ceiling panel tiles.

This morning, still in Easter according to the liturgical calendar, the Cross revealed deep truths. I thought of Jesus, suffering as he did, and my mantra came by the Spirit saying, "Love your enemies." Every savasana, that's what I heard when I hit the floor. And I knew exactly what that meant for me. It's not just the yoga teacher.

Having enemies is an easy concept to disregard. When I think enemy I think someone I hate, maybe want to do bodily harm to, like slash their car tires or something crazy. I don't have any enemies in that sense of the word! But enemies like, those who I'd rather not see, or speak to, or take class from; those who have offended me, annoyed me, disregarded me - well, then...I've got a few of those. I must admit.

The other day, my spiritual director told me she's only been unconditionally loved by two people her whole life - one was a dog, the other was a priest. I felt kinda sad for her as I walked away from her office because as I reflected upon my own life, I could think of many people who love me unconditionally. And unconditionally love me they must! I reflected on things I've done to my sisters, friends, roommates, colleagues... And I had to be honest with myself. Had others done to me, what I'd done to some, I'd likely not still love them. Oh, I might act like I do, but in truth, I am ashamed to admit, I would not truly. I want people to be a certain way, and when they are not, as I realized this morning in my meditation upon the ceiling panel Cross, I make them my enemies. Maybe not in action, but in my heart.

In preparation for this Easter season I re-read the account of Jesus' betrayal, death, and resurrection in the Gospel of John. Jesus predicts that Simon Peter would betray him. And after he leaves the Garden where he's been praying that God might let the cup of suffering soon to come pass from him, he returns to find his companions sleeping, and says dishearteningly, "Could you not stay awake with me one hour?" He knows his friends don't have the "stuff" to follow him all the way to the end. And he was right. They didn't. In the end, they all abandon him, and deny him, disassociate themselves from him out of fear, maybe even disappointment. Fear of the authorities, that may kill them too. Disappointment that maybe their great teacher and friend, wasn't who he said he was after all. They all betrayed him. Every one.
But you know what Jesus says when he reappears to them, on the shore of the Sea of Tiberias...after the disciples come to find the tomb empty, and Jesus' body mysteriously missing? Jesus says to them, "Come and have breakfast with me?" That's all. They all betrayed him. And instead of making them his enemies, he invites them to dine with him. He even serves their food.

That is a powerful love. I fall sadly short of that kind of love. Sadly, sadly short.

Richard Rohr, says this about enemies:

This is the reason why in the spiritual life our enemies are our best friends. That is why Jesus' command "Love your enemies" is so important. When we keep the enemy outside the door, when we don't allow the not-I to enter our world, we'll never be able to look our sin or our dark side in the face. Men and women who get on my nerves, who threaten me and cause me anxiety, need not become my bosom friends, but they have an important message for me...there are certain types who are by nature threatening to us because they discover our game-or because they don't need our game.

He's dead on. There is more like me in those I make my enemies than I have the courage to confront. The "not-I's" are usually the I's that I haven't the heart to look at in the face.

But thanks be to God. For Jesus. And for grace.

Driving home from the yoga studio this afternoon, in my heart I committed myself to return to that girl's yoga class. Next week. Same time, same place. Because I must learn to love my enemies. There is no other way. Well, in truth, there is always another way...but I don't want that way. That is the way to waking up one day and finding myself all by myself.